I used to talk a lot. I thought I was insightful and clever and witty and, well, I thought I was a hoot. Very occasionally I might have been.
Most of the time I wasn’t.
Truly confident people don’t feel the need to talk — at all. I hate when it happens, but I still occasionally realize I’m talking not because the other person is interested in what I have to say but because I’m interested in what I have to say.
Never speak just to please yourself; when you do you end up pleasing no one.
The first time I felt BIG was January 2007. BIG consumed me so much so that I now have a tattoo of 7 on my wrist to symbolize the BIG that my faith TOLD me would occur that year (amongst other “7” symbolisms). Well, the BIG is now a vibrant 4-year-old, tiara wearing, Nook-toting, soccer phenom who talks entirely too much. Who would have thought it? Certainly not me!
Guess who’s here (again)? You’ve guessed it.
The best way for me to describe BIG is that feeling you get when you’re standing in line at Six Flags inching towards that ride that you’ve seen on commercials & billboards all winter long. You’ve planned this trip, gathered your maniacal friends, bought a new pair of sneakers, packed a lunch, and paid the price to get into the park. The closer you get to the seat, the lower gravity pulls your bowels. Fear wants you want to jump out of the line, but you look over your shoulder at how far you’ve come (and the hundreds of people behind you who would pay to take your place). It’s intolerably hot, and somehow the sun’s beams are in sync with your heart rate. The radiation mixed with your inertia is almost visible. For the sake of this blog, I’ll refer to that state-of being as…
I’ve been told that I am easily excitable and almost hyper-anxious at times, but during the last month or so I have felt BIG in my environments, conditions, interactions, and circumstances. This overwhelming BIG is much more than my normal zeal and passionate state. A bit deep? Maybe, but I’m rolling with it. I’ve learned to trust my natural intuitive power and discernment.
Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely happy with my life right now. Everything is in it’s right place. Our family at-large is growing (more births than funerals is always a plus), my career is taking off, all of my needs & a chunk of my wants are fulfilled. I am in-love with an amazing man deeper than I could have ever comprehended. But I’m feeling BIG y’all. I’ll be certain to inform you when it manifests.
BIG: Philippians 1:6 (NIV) - Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
As I work through my fears the truth for me is not always what I believed it to be. I’ve been looking for who has the answers rather than realizing that sometimes answers aren’t part of the equation. Epiphany - I don’t fear anyone or anything.